If you find reading about other people’s recovery journeys helpful, you may find these examples of positive Personal Recovery from the Vocational Pathway useful.
I have struggled with social anxiety and depression my entire life. I spent most of my life hiding, acting and manipulating circumstances to hide the severity of my mental health problems. My earliest memories of childhood are that of being uncomfortable and feeling alien around everyone other than my very close family. The older I got the bigger impact my illness had on my life and the more energy I had to spend to hide it. I was ashamed to talk about my problems and thought I wouldn't be taking seriously by doctors. My life as an adult is when my illness controlled every aspect of my life as more is expected of you than in childhood with responsibility and social situations. This began when I stopped going to school for the last 6 months, only returning for exams. Since then there has been a lot of running away from job interviews, college, Jobcentres, every situation would reach a certain point where I could not act anymore or hide my problems. I often tried massive leaps, thinking I could cure myself by making myself appear "normal" or doing something that I thought other people would respect me for. My final huge leap was when I tried to join the Royal Navy. I passed the tests and interviews, telling them what they want to hear and acting like a confident person. I would then wait 2 years before basic training. I managed 1 week before I had to seek help and admit to someone for the first time the extent of my problems. Acting 24 hours a day with nowhere to be alone was too much. Part of me wished I failed something and had been kicked out, instead yet again it was my own brain that defeated me. I returned home just 2 weeks into basic training and I felt that was my last chance at having a life outside of my own bedroom. The one benefit of this though is that I had finally sought help, admitted my problems and had been diagnosed. I was 25, almost 26? Years old. I returned home, to find that earlier that day my mam and dad had been to pick up a new puppy chocolate Labrador that I would name Jessie. As well as my family, my dogs have always been the most important part of my life and the way I dealt with problems growing up and as an adult has always been spending time with them. Although I love my family, I don’t like to think of what I would have done if I had not had a dog to care for She became the only driving force for me to even entertain the idea of leaving my bedroom, let alone the house for the next few years. I had completely lost the ability to act my way through any kind of social interaction. I felt like a failure, worthless and things would always be this way so I accepted it and sunk into the worst depression I have ever experienced. I stopped taking care of myself, I gave up. I then put on 5 stone over the next year or so, through inactivity rather than eating habits. Every day was the same. I'd wake up, turn on my PC and if lucky I would be able to push myself out to walk the dog for 10 minutes, which felt like an hour because of my anxiety and paranoia that everyone saw me the way I thought of myself. Eventually this routine would turn me to an almost nocturnal creature. I'd sleep during the day as I think subconsciously I realised this was the best way to avoid everything. And I'd sit at my computer all night, the one benefit of this was I was able to take Jessie out for a longer walk but this was usually around 3-4am to avoid seeing anyone. Only other times I'd leave house during daytime was if I was walking dogs with my brother or sister in law, or my mam was taking me to appointments. For a long time I accepted this as my life, I convinced myself I didn't want anything more, no family of my own, no friends, there was no career that I thought I was suitable for or capable of. One day as I was walking the dog, it was like a switch in my brain. I suddenly thought, I want a life. Soon after Dawn my CPN arranged a meeting with my new OT, Graeme. He discussed all of the options available to me. But at the time all I really thought I wanted to do was work with animals and limited to no interactivity with people. He suggested the Media Savvy course, as there was one ongoing at the time. I wasn't entirely sold on the idea as being in a group environment was terrifying, but I decided to trust him as he was passionate in what he was saying and I could tell he cared about what he does. He told me the next session date and that he would come pick me up, this was a good thing as I'm positive I would have not gone. When I got there I was incredibly nervous to be around so many new people, I sat at the laptop and met Dan and Lisa the tutors, then the rest of the NTW staff each came to me to over the day to offer me their support and make me feel at ease. I really enjoyed what I had done that day, I'd never used Photoshop before but being good with computers I picked up the basics quickly. And through me concentrating on the tutorials I realised my anxiety had lowered greatly. Everyone I met that day were brilliant, and it was not what I expected, I looked forward to next week. But even though that’s how I felt, the negativity over the next few days came back, and almost convinced myself "Why bother?" Luckily my brother and sister in law were very supportive and wanted me to get better so they made sure I got to all of the sessions by giving me a lift. Within 3-4 weeks I felt so relaxed on the course it was an unbelievable feeling, so much that without knowing it I was talking to people, having a laugh with them and helping them with their work. I was starting to get worried that the course was ending soon and what would I do after? It was the 1 day of the week that I actually felt I did something. Then Dan asked me if I would like to volunteer the next course after Christmas as a Peer Support. I accepted his offer without a second thought. Since January my life has never been so busy and I've never been as happy with myself. I am volunteering with Media Savvy supporting on the course that help me so much, delivering the course to a wide range of ages, people with different problems and backgrounds. I have the opportunity to work with the local councils to gain experience working with them on developing courses to promote digital learning and support delivery of this course for FACL. I am now working towards a Level 3 Award in Education and Training. I still have social anxiety. I think I always will, it is part of me. However I believe through what I have achieved since being on the Vocational Pathway I have learned to push through the barriers and negative thought process I have and in a way my life’s experience with mental illness has for the first time became a positive thing. It is something that gives me insight and ability to relate with other service users that I am trying to help, and by helping them I help myself find happiness.
My name is, Gareth. I'm thirty seven and was a service user within NTW, for ten years. I accessed services when I was just twenty two. A lot has changed since then, not just from a service user perspective, but from a personal one, too. Ten years is a long time. Most of my adult life was taken up with appointments, admissions and medication, and by the time the fifth year rolled by, my outlook on life was that this was just the start of a journey that could only end when I died. "Feeling down" and a set of "weird routines", were what led to me seeing my GP. I had left it too long by that time but felt I had to do something. My hope was that by the end of the two week sick note that I had been given, everything would be good again and my over loaded brain would have been given the rest it needed. The sun would shine again, my smile would come back, enjoyment and happiness would make a welcome return to my life, and I could, once again, look to the future. But that didn't happen, not for another ten years anyway, and that "feeling down" had become severe depression, those "weird routines" a disabling and time-consuming diagnosis of OCD, and they were joined by a psychosis that began to tear my life, and that of my families, apart. All that I had hoped for, became quite the opposite. Every year became worse than the last; deeper, more regular cuts, a higher dose of medication, a longer stay in hospital, a closer-to-death-suicide attempt, days spent in the grip of psychosis, with the man I regularly saw, having taken over my every day existence, and the feeling that hope and recovery would never be seen again. I lurched from one near-death experience to the next, I put my body through an untold amount of abuse, resulting in operations and long term damage that will be felt until the day I die. And that was all I wanted; death. I had long since given up on recovery. I had faith for many years that recovery would happen, I felt I needed just the right kind of break, and once it came I could get healthy and live again. Seven years locked inside my pain convinced me that break would never come. But there were a group of people, family and nurses, who believed in me. "I wish I had your faith!" was my regular comeback, and that was always followed by "One day you will." And lo and behold that one day did arrive. I had been given my opportunity to die, in the form of a newly found tumour. A tumour that had been silently and slowly growing on my pituitary gland. The eighteen months of headaches, bleeding internally, infections, conjunctivitis, skin-splitting, "boiling" blood, nails falling off, lactating, and complete exhaustion, had led me to seek help, and a complete cessation of medication in less than twenty four hours, led me to think that times were going to get tough. Sometimes I just hate being right. But with that opportunity to die, to give into the tumour, not take my medication, take another over dose of the medication that started its growth, also came an opportunity to live. That break that I had hoped for seven years, was now here for me to seize. I began to believe in myself. And so I started a twelve month journey, one which began with the sudden detox of three types of medication that had cursed me for ten years, and the god awful symptoms that that brought about, and included a recovery from OCD, depression, anorexia, psychosis, a completely collapsed bowel, physio on nerve damage, and a tumour that had also begun to destroy my eye sight. I was backed by the most amazing, supportive, dedicated and understanding group of people. Members of my family, my extraordinarily passionate CPN, and the words from a group of people whose effect had resonated with me for a long time. "We believe in you!" In the four years since being made aware of my tumour, I have turned my life around completely. Tumour beaten, no longer a service user, health, to a degree, restored, hope, strength, inspiration and optimism have returned in bucket loads, and I now have a future. I have a fiancé, one who understands and who supports, and one that I can spend my life with. Someone who's effect on me was instrumental in me being able to then function in day-to-day life and getting that back on track. Working to help those who have experienced what I have in the past, preventing them from ever getting to where I got, was something I set out to achieve. And here I am. I have recovered, I have made a new and happier life for myself. And I have been given the opportunity to help those who are starting, or have been on, their long road. To let them know that recovery and the life they want, can be achieved.
Hi, my name is Samantha. I have bi-polar disorder and was diagnosed a few years ago. I worked for a high street bank and held a responsible job with many people depending on me. I was successful and had a great relationship with my son, which as a single parent, this was everything to me. I led a good life! Eventually I started a new relationship and got married. I developed some serious physical health problems and my marriage started to breakdown. Both of these factors had a big impact on my mental health. In time I knew I couldn’t go on and had to make a painful decision to walk away from my job and focus on my health. I went through a messy divorce and was left financially broke. I felt like I had lost almost everything. It got to a point where my son had turned into my carer and this filled me with even more guilt. I didn’t want to wake up on a morning and started to stay on bed for days on end. Housework and personal hygiene became a thing of the past. I stopped opening letters and answering the door and before I knew it, I had developed agoraphobia. During a regular Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) meeting with Julia, I met Graeme, who believed in me. I wanted to get better, if not for me, for my son. I was nervous about starting the Media Savvy course. I would be going out, meeting new people and interacting with others. Despite this I knew I had to take the first step. When I arrived at the course everyone was relaxed and friendly. I was made to feel welcome and safe – It gave me a purpose to get up. Family and friends slowly started to see changes in me. I started to go out alone, take care of myself and my home. More importantly, I started to become a parent again. Throughout all of this my mum had been, and still is, my rock. The project I chose to do was for her; a family tree. Thankfully I am now well, re-building my relationship with my son and have the best relationship I have ever had with my mam. I want to thank them both for their endless support and love. For the future, I hope to remain well and get back into employment, hopefully helping others.
